Pentance

Repent, from which you have fallen
Life, soon to be diminished
Vanquish the thoughts which have taken you back
Hole up in your putrid sanctity.

Defy, being as what you are
Death, sleeping in the corner
Murderous ways have left you to rot
Slowly creeping, consuming your life.

The slow death you've longed for
Swiftly comes to pass,denying existence
You could never taste the solemn escape
Life has left you, hole up, dried up, deceased.

Repent, you never did anyways
Transcendence,  never be achieved
Worming your way in existence
Leaving no scars behind.

Random words put together
The meaning, in your head alone
Left you the ever present question
Bleed.



the fck is this shit anyways? random words, put together, no meaning at all.

Intrams-a-thon

Adrenaline rush, this will be the most fitting word to describe what every person during the intramurals would most likely feel. Though not everyone is a player, they can still cheer for the team they like, the opposite sex that they admire, the college they're in and whatever they want to cheer about.


Hectic as it was, since I was also lending my voice for our recording on the day of the photo marathon, it was fun, I could really feel that I was in school again, that I was a student again, that I was learning again. I had to run  to the classroom to know about which pictures to take then go back to the recording booth for the radio mag. And while at it, I had to run down to where the rest of the class was, and go up to the 5th floor on the elevator of death (since the elevator at that time didn't have lights on).


It was fun, Joe lent me his camera, the  teamwork I saw during the intrams was not limited to the teams that were striving to win every tiresome contest that they were part of, it was also visible within ourselves, the competition? Our other classmates, the judge, you.


Every now and then, we tend to be overly competitive in everything that we do, lest we forget that we are not only up against our classmates and our friends, but, as Joe mentioned in his blog entry, we are also up against ourselves. Maybe before the class started, I was more into mediocre things, living up to the common pinoy's nature of "Bahala na", right now, I feel more competitive, this is a feeling that I forgot.


I forgot since, I was in a point in my life that I wanted to question everything, to be rebellious of the norm. But now, as I've seen it, it's not that bad to conform to the norm, someone has to, and that someone is me.


I know this won't mean anything right now, but thanks. It was not only limited to the classroom lesson, the out-of-the-room activities, it was the feeling of being pushed around again, being pressured.

Open

... We seem to not mind every little thing that we see, it's a fact of life. We only take interest in the significance of things that come our way.

What I've learned during the semester is; that I still need to learn a lot of things about how to make a good photograph. But, it's not only limited to taking photos, it's also about how to make a story, or how to create a story using what I have.  ... But it's not pretty much about photographs, I've learned to see things in a different manner, like passing requirements and not being an ass. It was a pretty good learning experience for me, but, I would rather treasure the learning which were not about photography but, the learning about life. Though, not everyone thinks the way that I do, it's because of the way that they were brought up, the way they grew up, the way they are.

Taking pictures and everything that goes with it. But, aside from that, by now, I should've learned to follow rules, because these are what makes us function, these are the ones that will shape us into better persons, since the school and its courses is one of the best experiences in learning to live life fully, because, Most of the time, I am not really concerned about the things that  I meet along the way, I don't mind them, BUT, looking back, if I had only been vigilant of the signs that were laid before me, I would've been a better person than what I am now.

From the way things are right now, they shouldn't have been the way they are right now, if, I... But, there's no time for excuses. Well, maybe that's one of the best one that I've had so far, I wouldn't mind if I'm not the best at taking photographs, I wouldn't mind if I wasn't the best blogger, I wouldn't mind if I wasn't the best student, not that I would ever be, what I would mind though, is, not learning anything about myself.

Every little thing that I've learned, must be applied to every little thing that I do. Since, I now have some knowledge about particular things, I should now be able to practice them, not only the learning in class, but also with the learning in life that was, well, learned through this class and its instructors.

-1 Corinthians 8:2 
For if anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know;

The 4 truths.

We were tasked to take on an activity asking people questions. I wasn't able to attend the activity because of some really important dilemma a.k.a bantay bata 163. 


Eitherway, I took the liberty of asking my ever sarcastic sister the 4 questions, here it goes.

1. What do you think of the Emano administration?




"Wala koi paki kay Emano, passive man gyud kaau ang tao sa cdo. Busa dili kabalo kung unsay gakahitabo, kanang wala kaau awareness ang mga citizens diri. Aw, wala puy gaka hitabo sa syudad."




2. Who is your role model?




"Akong self. Wala koi tawo makita nga worthy nga himoun nako ug role model." 




3. What is the youth's major problem nowadays?




"Dependent ra kaau sa uban tao ang mga youth karon. Dili maka lihok kung walay kauban and so on."




4. What will you be doing 10 years from now?




"If inani lang gihapon ka backward ang Philippines 10 years from now, ang akoang buhaton kay i-mock nako ang pagka backward sa country."




From a 17 year old lady who doesn't give a damn about society, my ever fat and loud sister, Mitoy Magno. I give her props on her answer to the role model question though, it hit me hard.

Pandemonium

Filth, it's not only limited to what we see in the bins. It's most rampant in the parts that we often see, hear or do. It's how I took the word.


The activity at the market was not an eye opener, my eyes were already open to the realities of this place. Though some may see it as something new, for me, it has been that way since I was young. I may not look like the kind of person to give a damn about society, but sometimes, I really do. What makes the market dirty? We can take that it's dirty in the most literal meaning of the word, but what we fail to see is the other picture, the foulness of the place is not only cause by fish heads and rotten vegetables; it is rather caused by the people who run the place.


Defilement of a place is not because of the place's purpose, it's the people that live there that makes it the way it is. Like, let's take hell for an example, hell is a place decay, filth, or whatever it is that you'd like to call it. It makes it that way because of its residents, demons. In a way, we can all say that hell, is not what we think of it, it is rather the feeling of being in a place of utter discomfort.

Mind the signs, they are the ones that guides us in life. So, with that being said, how many signs does it take for us to finally open our eyes and think with our brains, no matter how small and dull it may be. As this picture was taken, I was disgusted, are we that stupid? Can't we read 2 simple words? Is it that complicated?

Pandemonium, I like the word, liked it ever since I was young. It's the place where demons meet, it's the capital of hell in John Milton's Paradise Lost, the place where the unclean gather. But aside from that, it also means chaos. To put it simply, the market is full of chaos, demons and the people who are living day by day by day, by day, to earn a living.

But, to every single story, we can always find bliss amidst all the chaos that happens around us.

Fiiiiiiiiesta D:

By all means, not everyone celebrates during fiestas. I had the chance to take snapshots of people for just one day, why? Cause I was bored, bored of the same old, so~so things that happens during the annual city celebration. It always follows the routine, gigs there, gigs here, gigs every-effin-where. I mean, I like music, hell, I LOVE music, I can't live without it but, I grew up, I didn't wanna throw myself into those gigs anymore. I already have my responsibilities and whatnots. 

The snapshot was of someone that was out of the picture; again, that was the subject. Pretty much sums up what I felt during the week-long celebration. It wasn't just boredom, in a sense; it was also the best time to reflect on what I lost. ... I lost my youth, I lost the urge to party, to get drunk during those days, but, most of all, I lost a part of me. I've often wondered why my fiestas weren’t as fun as before, but then, I realized that, my grandpa's old house was sold, years ago. Though I didn't grow up in that house, it was my only escape from all the bad things I've done in my life. That was the place where I could hide my being an asshole; it was the place where I could always strive for the better, where I always felt better, where I learned better things.

Back then, when it was the 28th day of august, the whole family would gather in that house, then, a couple of minutes later, we'd go to the VIP hotel to watch the city parade. Then, hot as it was, it didn't bother us, it was all in fun, then we'd go down to my aunt & gramp's clinic, or my cousins and I would just hide and try to hit people with bb guns. Hell, that was fun, lotsa memories... How I miss the old times. I guess, when we get older, we tend to forget how the little things we've done made our days better. But, when we reminisce about the past, we only feel pain. Pain, cause we remember how the days were and how fun it was. 

So, in a way, I decided not to really "celebrate" the fiesta, there were only 2 events that I participated in, one was the generic-barbeque with my buddies and the other one would be to take pictures of people.

... Looking back on that week, it somehow tells me that, as I got older, I only did the things that had to be done, rather than doing the things that I'd really love to do.

skcabhsalf

Alcohol.Flashbacks.

My ill-fated night at Duka bay resort, it was fun while it lasted. But then, reality, always the bitch, kicks in. 

The mind will always be the wonder of mankind, it would make you think of things you've never had before. It would give you false memories, but somehow, it can also be a tool to escape from reality. I can mask all the things that I've done, but, I'd rather not. Not because I need to, but because I want to. Feeling every bit of memory that I have gives me a sense of freedom, but still surrounded by fear and angst.

Traces of the night, nights, day, days that passed by, would often haunt you or help you. In a way, it does both, having experienced both pain and excitement, the pictures of the moments that you held dear and hate will always be there to remind you of what you have done.

Looking back on the trip home, pictures of people snickering at the sound of my name flooded my head. But, who would I hate? Myself. Who did those things? Me. Who's to blame? I don't know. I could always say that I can blame myself for all the f-upped things that I have done, but somehow, I know that I wouldn't have done that without being fed with the catalyst. To put it simply, I don't react if I don't have anything to react to, pretty much like a science experiment, but when I'm on that thing, it's more of a Frankenstein experiment.

Something like the Jekyl and Hyde that everyone has, it's the thing that will put me in to a crude state. No, I am not ashamed of accepting the kind of person that I am, but, it's pretty decent to not remind me of who I was. But it's like being in a filipino action movie, same plot, same ending, just, different actors. 

I do admire some people, the way they look and how they act. But, seeing it all, seeing what happened, it just tells me that, people will react differently because of what they heard. Recalling everything that happened during that night was infact, a moronic act. 

Kept on seeing myself being ridiculed by my fellow students while being reprimanded by the staff, horrible sight, I know it’s gonna happen sometime soon, but I think I am ready to face it. Sorta. I have been through a lot and I know it’s gonna be one of my most hated moments in my life. Well, I’m the one to blame, i should’ve been stronger, it shouldn’t have happened.

Most of all, I always see the scene when me and my mom talked about this kind of thing, it’s gonna be me, standing infront, being ridiculed and reprimanded. And she’s beside me, patting my back, saying “Everything you ever worked hard for will all crumble to dust once you’ve done something stupid.”