skcabhsalf

Alcohol.Flashbacks.

My ill-fated night at Duka bay resort, it was fun while it lasted. But then, reality, always the bitch, kicks in. 

The mind will always be the wonder of mankind, it would make you think of things you've never had before. It would give you false memories, but somehow, it can also be a tool to escape from reality. I can mask all the things that I've done, but, I'd rather not. Not because I need to, but because I want to. Feeling every bit of memory that I have gives me a sense of freedom, but still surrounded by fear and angst.

Traces of the night, nights, day, days that passed by, would often haunt you or help you. In a way, it does both, having experienced both pain and excitement, the pictures of the moments that you held dear and hate will always be there to remind you of what you have done.

Looking back on the trip home, pictures of people snickering at the sound of my name flooded my head. But, who would I hate? Myself. Who did those things? Me. Who's to blame? I don't know. I could always say that I can blame myself for all the f-upped things that I have done, but somehow, I know that I wouldn't have done that without being fed with the catalyst. To put it simply, I don't react if I don't have anything to react to, pretty much like a science experiment, but when I'm on that thing, it's more of a Frankenstein experiment.

Something like the Jekyl and Hyde that everyone has, it's the thing that will put me in to a crude state. No, I am not ashamed of accepting the kind of person that I am, but, it's pretty decent to not remind me of who I was. But it's like being in a filipino action movie, same plot, same ending, just, different actors. 

I do admire some people, the way they look and how they act. But, seeing it all, seeing what happened, it just tells me that, people will react differently because of what they heard. Recalling everything that happened during that night was infact, a moronic act. 

Kept on seeing myself being ridiculed by my fellow students while being reprimanded by the staff, horrible sight, I know it’s gonna happen sometime soon, but I think I am ready to face it. Sorta. I have been through a lot and I know it’s gonna be one of my most hated moments in my life. Well, I’m the one to blame, i should’ve been stronger, it shouldn’t have happened.

Most of all, I always see the scene when me and my mom talked about this kind of thing, it’s gonna be me, standing infront, being ridiculed and reprimanded. And she’s beside me, patting my back, saying “Everything you ever worked hard for will all crumble to dust once you’ve done something stupid.”