Pink Floyd-y

A song which randomly plays in my head when I'm alone or when I'm feeling alone. Maybe it was part of my destiny to find out about this song. Partially, it's about alienation, as what's often said on various websites.

It's really awkward to say that I think about things, it gives away my rep for being a class-b asshole. But, to be honest, I do, well, I do now anyways. Going home alone on a long trip, is not a rare experience for me. I have done it countless times before, I find it peaceful, the time when I could really think and reflect about the things that I have done over the past years, or the past night, for that matter.

To be honest, what I thought about during that lone travel was, how the hell am I gonna be rich in an instant? I have one thousand and one problems waiting for me back home, and I can't solve any of it. Wasn't thinking about what happened last night. If you ask me, I'd rather think about what I really thought about before that fiasco. Though that was something to really think about, I dunno, I was more focused on the bigger problems that I have.

So, I did what I do best, stop caring about the people around me. Grabbed my backpack, settled and relaxed. Payed the fare and went off for a quick nap. After a couple of minutes, people started to board the bus, which, kinda pissed me off. But, whatever, this trip ain't chartered. 

Now, thinking about the problems I have, and the things I've done in my life, I felt more alone. Though I have my girlfriend, my family, my friends and whoever the f is thinking about me, I still felt alone. Because, I have been through so many mishaps in my life that I don't know why I made them. Depression, maybe? But no, it's just an excuse to act like a lunatic. Every action has its own beginning and you can trace it all the way, to understand why you did them.

Regret? Yes, I feel regret, I feel it every damn time I wake up. And I feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry because I have failed on almost everything that I do. But, hey! What the hell? That's life. Shame, now that's another story, yes I felt it, who wouldn't? After all the commotion that happened, I guess, anyone who was directly involved would feel it too.

So, yeah, I also thought about the person who “divulged” that info. Maybe it was that guy, maybe it was someone else, but, the only person who knows me since grade school was him, so naturally, he would be the suspect. It doesn’t matter anymore though, what’s done is done, can’t change the fact that it happened.

Now, I wasn’t pissed off that someone said that, I am not ashamed of who I was, I won’t deny it, but I’d rather not hear it from anyone, not even my kin. That part of me, is part of me and I’m trying to do my best to keep it in a cage. I have not done anything stupid since January of this year, I was hoping to keep it that way. But, I guess, it’s pretty much like the movies, like what Carlito Brigante said “I don't invite this shit, it just comes to me. I run, it runs after me. Gotta be somewhere to hide. “.

After that, it was back to reality, like reality, reality. I’ve too much on my hands right now, I’m sick, I’m expecting something, I’m still in college after 7 years ( But! Wait, I quit school for more than 3 or 4 years, so yeah. ) , I wanna leave cdo. Actually, a lot. I don’t know where to start.

Maybe, it’s pretty much like the song, crying out for someone. To really feel that someone’s behind you every step of the way. I might have misunderstood the song, but, whatever, each to his own liking.

“How I wish, how I wish you were here. 
We're just two lost souls 
Swimming in a fish bowl, 
Year after year, 
Running over the same old ground. 
What have we found? 
The same old fears. 
Wish you were here. “

-Pink Floyd : Wish you were here